Somewhere sticking out of your steering wheel is a little lever. When you activate that lever either up or down, this will activate small lights on the rear and front of your car and will cause them to blink. These lights are used to indicate and communicate with other drivers, pedestrians and cyclists which direction you might be turning.

In a perfect world, one would activate this light, signaling the proper direction of the turn that they will be making shortly. Hence, giving other drivers, pedestrians, or cyclists ample time to come to a stop. Many of you have altered this, due the the fast nature of the world we live in, and would rather signal as you are turning.

As a cyclist, I try and ride on the right hand side of the road so that cars can pass by me without too much fuss. The only time this gets a little rough is when they pull up on my left and take a turn to the right. Often cutting me off in the best case, or running me over in the worst.

I understand that it's hard to use this lever that activates your turn signal when you are on the phone. You only have two hands and I know how important that phone call must be. I mean, how could you be expected to wait until you are not driving to tell Becky what Susan was doing with Ricky at the bar last night? I understand, I really do. Maybe your other hand if full of your Grande Venti Half Caf Mocha Cinnamon Lard Ass Stupidachino to turn on the signal and make a phone call. I understand. I really do.

That is why today, Tuesday May 13th 2008 will be forever known as the day that the turn signal died.

In honor I will be combining all of my hand signals for my bicycle (which I am now riding down the middle of the road) into one easy to interpret gesture:

Thank you. And have a nice day (fuckers).

Landon

Ok, if you're going to go out a protest something, go ahead and read up on it a little first. As a matter of fact, if you're going to write something on a sign to go above your head, might want to read up on that as well.

(and if you don't get the joke. Shame on you. Catch up on your history)

Tropical Island... Perfect Weather ... Beautiful Wife ...

I just bitch too much. Sometimes I think to myself that I need to push harder, work harder, do more. But then again, is that really the life I want? I'm not saying I want to just laze on a beach all day, but I have chosen a life that is a little more leisurely than most peoples.

If I was the real "go getter" who needed the money, the big house, the fancy car, I would be living somewhere else. But I'm not. I'm the guy who wants to take his time coming into work. Take the time to enjoy his life.

So, even though work has been a little rough (stupid staffing changes) and other things have been going on. I'm happy. I just have to stop to remind myself that on occasion.

Not much else has been going on.

I preordered Grand Theft Auto IV the other day so I can have it on release day. I can't wait to see all the controversy surrounding it. If any parent can actually say that they didn't know anything about this game, they are just a bunch of idiots. In truth, my mom would have let me play it. We would have talked about it. Realized that it is a video game and I'm not going to actually go out there and shoot anyone. But I'll tell you what, when I come home from a rough day, Kickin' back and shootin' some folks is a great way to blow off some steam.

Movies rarely do it for me anymore. I like some funny TV still. My Name is Earl, The Office, South Park and I LOVE ME some Mythbusters. But all in all, Video Games are how I relax.

So ... Me, Being a 32 Year Old, Responsible, Job Holding, Voting Member of Society will be spending the next few weeks after 04/29 shooting people, beating up hookers and running over little old ladies to my heart's content.

And I'll be on the PS3 if anyone is looking to hook up on some Multiplayer, my handle is Vagabond99

Landon

No matter what, I need change. George H.W. Bush went into office in 1989. Then Bill Clinton. Then the embarrassment known as George W. Bush ....

Now we are at a crossroads. If you would have put McCain in front of me a few years ago, I might have given him some thought. But when it comes down to it, he's a warmonger. Plain and Simple. That doesn't need to be the focus right now.

Then there is Hillary.

Even if I liked her and supported her (which I unfortunately don't) I just can't justify keeping the same two families in the Presidency for 23 YEARS!!! Bush - Clinton - Bush - Clinton IS NOT CHANGE!!!

I wish I had more optimism. I wish I could sit back and say everything is going to be okay. I wish I could just not give a damn.

In Obama, I see hope. But then again, I look at this country. This racist, elitist, funnel cake eating, American Idol voting nation.

We'll see if "Hope" stands up here.

otherwise, I just might be looking into the whole "Love it or Leave it" mentality.

Let me preface this little review with saying that I am not one that normally flocks to a "dance show".

I've always seen dance as a language that the whole human race understands, but only select people can truly speak it. Of course it is universal. We run around flailing our arms about in our youth. Some, such as myself, continue to flail around to this day and call it "dancing".

But just as with any language, there are those who can speak it with such eloquence, that you become lost in the stories that they tell. This is the case with the Ganesha Dance Theatre. Everything from ballet to kung fu inspired dance to African. There was even a wonderful Tom Wait's song called "Little Drop of Poison" that was a personal favorite.

Andre Harper, Denis Hyland, Mary Kay Lee, Kyla Piscopink and Leigh Pujado should all be very proud of this wonderful show. The lights by Rich Simone really capped off the show offering a wonderful layer to this already spectacular piece.

Danny Weathers should be commended for taking a risk by putting a dance company into his regular season. It offers a wonderful venue to see some very talented performers. Hopefully this will expand their audience and they will catch them at whatever venue they perform in.

Go See this show! Go Give some money to the Waterfront! Give Some money to the Ganesha Dance Company. We need this more and more in Key West. Support risks and support the arts.

Once again, I was blown away. It was so wonderful. If I was in town this upcoming week, I would go to see it again.

(insert standing ovation here).

Landon

Today is my sweet, sweet wife's birthday. We're going to work really hard to have a good night this evening.

Drop JoE an email, she'd love to get some good birthday wishes.

Landon

My little flu has run it's course, so physically, I'm well, but I'm just all kinds of foul.

Work has me foul, home has me foul, computers and technology have my foul.

The complete fucking lack of anyone actually doing their job has me super foul. It bothers me that when someone is called to do a job (Fix Direct TV, Repair an Air conditioner, whatever you need to have done) and they do it, it's the EXCEPTION to the rule.

Everyone in the US thinks that the world owes them something. It doesn't.

I had a woman complain to me today because she had to change rooms to a room that was smaller but the same price. This was not a surprise to her, she knew she was moving rooms. She knew that the room she was in on the Website says "LARGE ROOM". She just assumed that the other room should be cheaper. I was an inch away from telling her that I made a mistake and the first room she stayed in was more expensive.

Without hesitation, I told her that if she was unhappy I would refund her last two nights and she can stay somewhere else. I even gave her the number of a booking agency to help her.

Funny thing is.... my room seems to be the best rate. funny that.

She can go fuck herself. As a matter of fact, most people can go fuck themselves today.

And so is everyone else. It's amazing how a flu or cold can make it's way around the island so quickly. So many of my friends have the exact same thing. I wonder if it has to do with our lowered immunities to these kind of things. When I was in NYC, I think I was damn near immune to everything from just touching the subway poles. Here I'm not exposed to anything.

Also, our climate isn't conducive to spreading disease. Studies have shown that 41 Degrees and dry is Influenza's best climate to spread in. We don't get 41 degrees and we rarely have "dry".

So I have spent the last few days in some sort of DayQuill induced stupor.

My gym regiment has been decimated, I even called in sick to work. I DON'T call in sick. It's just not my thing, but this bug didn't give me an option.

Oh well, this soon shall pass. Tonight I have a show. If anyone comes to see it and I'm just a little "Wacky", it's the drugs talking.

Landon

The town is crazy and I noticed, as I was heading in to work, all the motorcycles. Bike week in Daytona always sneaks up on me. Now keep in mind, we are no where near Daytona, FL. For those of you geographically hindered, Daytona is closer to the Northeast corner of the state. 324 Miles away. It seems that US1 down to the Keys is a very popular ride for bikers. It is beautiful even though I have been over it for quite awhile. And they always sneak up on us. I have a hard enough time keeping track of all the stuff that goes on here, much less up on the mainland.

Now that I live in mid town though, it's not so bad. I didn't even know they were here until I came into work. When I was on Duval Street, you just started to notice that the TV was cranked up to 11 and you had to straighten the pictures every other day because the rumbling of Harleys would shake the walls.

Still. I would take a few weeks of bikers over a few days of Blow Boaters (the Yacht Racers). Noise or not, the Yacht racers tend to be dicks. The bikers are just loud, but will be the first to buy you a drink when they see me at a bar.

Besides my petty little problems of loud mufflers and busy days, life still pretty much kicks ass.

I knew I would be happy in Key West. I just didn't expect to be as happy as I am. Life is pretty good and I feel rather .... fulfilled. I have artistic outlets with the theaters and the Red Rooster Revue (Friday Nights at Kelly's Caribbean 9pm!) I have my amazing wife, I'm in the best shape I've ever been (more on that some other day) and I really like my job even though I get burned out from time to time.

I even got to have a little dream come true and play around on the radio!

Thanks Shawna!

So, just to recap. Life is pretty grand.

I have come to accept it as a necessary evil. I have some friends who only communicate through messages, or commenting, or leaving me glittery "My Little Ponies" on my comments.

Then there is Facebook.

In all honesty, I liked the lay out of Facebook so much better. It was cleaner for the most part and not everyone's webpage looked like a mixture of a Yard Sale and Liberace's Sub Conscious.

Then it started... Vampires Biting me, Movie Quizzes, Spam, Tag, Zombies, Ninjas ... all sorts of just shit. I'm sure it's fun, but it's just not my bag. So I started to think about deleting it. It wasn't until I looked it up before I realized that might not be as easy as I had originally intended. It seems that they keep you information out there just in case you want to come back.

This isn't really cool by me. So, being the genius I am, I think I figured it out.

I deleted all of the information that was readily available for me to delete. Lord knows what else is on it now that it tracks what video games I rent (I swear.. the Hello Kitty game was critically acclaimed!) and other such stuff.

Then I changed my birthday. It seems that if you are under the age of 13 it automatically sends an email to an administrator. So here is my message:

birthday: 4/11/1995
additional info: I need to tell you I'm almost 12 years old, can I still keep this account. I'm trying to be more honest.

I know, I'm probably taking some sort of "Karma Hit" for lying to them... but hey, it all just seemed a little shady to begin with so all i wanted was out.

Lo and Behold just a few days later I received this email:

Hi Landon,

Axxxxxx
User Operations
Facebook

So there you go. The easy way to ditch Facebook.

We're in a mess. America chose this mess. America deserves this mess. Our civil liberties our falling away one by one, we have a war going on that is based on profit, Healthcare and the environment are merely bullet points in speeches. Now here's the kicker:

We don't care.

American Idol will have more participation and discussion at home and in the work place than our choice of president. I'm just waiting for them to tag my ear and rectally search me before every flight.

BUT!

Even though my vote didn't count toward the Democratic Primary (I love that one too) I went out and casted my vote for Barack Obama. "Inexperience" reads like the best thing he has going for him. I have friends that support Hillary. Personally, I just don't like her. Politically she has attacked video games. I know that sounds like such a small thing. And I'm not saying that every 10 year old needs to play Grand Theft Auto, or Manhunt, or whatever the Violent Adult Oriented Video Game of the day is. But the double standard makes me worry. No where in her statement does she mention Television or Hollywood. They have lobbyists. They are too strong. I'm sorry, but if you want to look at something that's fucking up our kids, let's take a look at 300, Hostel, or the Saw series. That's some messed up stuff. I like to play video games. I'm 31 years old. Those movies are made for adults too. But we all know that kids get their hands on them. They can sneak off and watch a 2 hour movie at a friends house. Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas takes DAYS to complete. If your kid is playing a video game for 2 - 3 hours every day and you don't know what it is, then you're not watching your child!

Fortunately, I believe that mine is the generation that will play these games with our children. It's part of our culture now. Jazz, Rock and Roll and comic books were all politically attacked at some point.

But I digress.

If it comes down to me making the choice between Hillary and McCain, I'm not sure what to do. It's like the South Park Episode, Giant Douche or Turd Sandwich those are your choices.

I'm here on my little island. the rest of the country might be doomed, but I'm going to try to hold on. If it comes down to the "Love it or Leave it". Let's just say I have my toe tips off the diving board by even living down here.

So that's my view point for what it's worth.

All in all, the whole thing is more crooked than Bette Davis' wire coat hangers (post abuse). Money, not the voice of the people, run this country. If you're cool with it or not, it's the way things are now. Maybe I don't have room to talk. I'm not getting off my ass and changing the world. I'm just bitching in a blog. But I'll go out and cast my vote. Even if it's just to give a finger to the system.

Landon

(I promise a more "fun" entry later this week)

The usual problems are simple things which I either can or can not fix. Roosters Crowing. They crow everywhere, deal with it. Dirty Floors: We all have "Dirty Hippie Feet" in Key West (this saying comes from my new friend Gigi who just moved to the island) something about the actual geological composition of the island creates this black dust. Room too small, not enough light, light bulb burned out, raining.... etc etc.

Some of my guests problems are often things that I can fix.

But about once every six months you just get smacked with an issue where you just don't know what to do.

Yesterday was that day. I get a call from one of my properties and it seems that a stray cat had slipped into their room while they were gone and PISSED on everything in the top drawer .....

WHAT!?!?!

How in the world do I handle this one? Now it also seems that my housekeeper left the door open while she was cleaning the room. Something she does often just to get some fresh air in there while it's being cleaned.

So this slippery little bastard of a cat slides in and hides away until some precise moment where it decides that the BIG GULP it drank at the 7-11 is just begging to be released. Leaps into the top drawer (which I guess is open mind you) and just lets fly on this 7 foot 10 inch tall Brit's Clothes ......

You can't make this shit up.

So here I am trying to come up with a solution to this. First I try to deescalate the situation. It's amazing how much it helps just to show up. Get off your duff, and make an appearance shake their hands and listen to what they have to say and SHUT YOUR MOUTH. I then took the clothes off their hands, got them into the wash right away and refunded them some money on their stay with me (they certainly deserved it). Thankfully, they were reasonable people. Understanding that things happen and this was a pretty strange situation.

But in the long run these people had an issue with my establishment, I confronted this issue, and everyone walked away pleased with the outcome.

This sounds like I'm tooting my own horn a bit, and maybe I am. I know that I'm good in these situations. That doesn't mean that they don't make me nervous as hell. If these guys had been jerks then it could have gone another direction.

Maybe there is a moral to this story. If you see a cat with a big gulp from 7-11.... please close all of your drawers and hide your undies.

Today will be a better day.

So, as you can see, I'm having a miserable time preparing for my new show. It's an old school Variety Show with a very talented singer and wonderful ladies, doing sexy little numbers.

I will be your host, Frankie.

We are doing a bit of a soft opening on January 18th, and working out the kinks through some previews before our Gala Opening in February. Come on out and see it, have a few drinks and support something new in Key West.

Kelly's Upstairs 9PM, Friday Nights starting January 18th.

A beautiful woman just stopped in front of my office on her bike. Peeled off her shirt down to her bikini top, threw her hair into a ponytail and rode away.....

Did I mention that it's mid January?